Growing Separately
This time, six years ago, I was in my first semester as a university student. One of the many reasons I couldn’t wait to get started at university was because I wanted to make new friends. I wanted to develop new relationships that would be full of good times, travels, shopping, deep connections, personal growth, and a whole lot more. Although I made some good friends while I was a university student, some friendships formed didn’t turn out the way I had hoped.
I am sure you can relate to this.
We’ve all had friendships that didn’t grow or evolve the way we thought they would. In fact, some of our friendships have done more damage than good. Yet, this doesn’t mean true friendships do not exist. Elisabeth Foley once said, “the most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.” A great example of Foley’s observation is the friendship between the two biblical personalities, Jonathan and David.
Jonathan and David are famous for their friendship goals. Jonathan was the first son of King Saul and was the heir to the throne while David was a shepherd boy and harpist. King Saul had disobeyed the instruction God gave him and the spirit of God left him. He needed music to drive the evil spirit that had come upon him so David was brought into the palace to play the harp for him. David and Jonathan met while David worked in the palace.
However, David had recently killed Goliath so he was revered by many. This caused King Saul to dislike him. In fact, the king wanted to kill David.
“After David had finished talking with Saul, he met Jonathan, the king’s son. There was an immediate bond between them, for Jonathan loved David. From that day on Saul kept David with him and wouldn’t let him return home. And Jonathan made a solemn pact with David because he loved him as he loved himself. Jonathan sealed the pact by taking off his robe and giving it to David, together with his tunic, sword, bow, and belt.” 1 Samuel 18:1-5
As a prince, Jonathan had everything he needed. Technically, he didn’t need anything from David and didn’t have to be his friend. He had the opportunity to meet and befriend other members of royal families and individuals with higher statuses than David. Yet, he found value and purpose in his friendship with David.
As their friendship evolved, Jonathan defended and protected David from his father’s envy, anger and wrath. He paid attention to David’s needs. Despite the fact that Saul was his father and his heirdom could be taken away from him, Jonathan stood for what was right and spoke up for his friend. He was a selfless friend to David.
On the other hand, David saw how much of a friend Jonathan was to him. As a shepherd boy with no ties to the throne, he must have been surprised and humbled by the gesture a royal was extending to him.
When things finally worked out in David’s favour and Jonathan was dead, David used his new position as a wealthy king to be a blessing to Jonathan’s generation.
What does the friendship mean to you?
Jonathan and David’s friendship wasn’t based on tangible materials or benefits. It was a purpose-driven friendship. They both understood that there was more to their friendship - something even bigger than both of them. Through fellowship and God’s guidance, they were able to form a formidable friendship that is still being used, centuries later, as an example and definition of true friendships.
Your pastor can’t give you what your team leader at your workplace can. Each individual and relationship has its purpose. We should approach each friendship according to its purpose. Your pastor can’t give you what your team leader at your workplace can. Each individual and relationship has its purpose. We should approach each friendship according to its purpose.
Understanding the purpose of our friendships makes it easier to play our roles by loving, giving and serving more even when we are far away from our friends. If we go beyond the example of Jonathan and David, we can look into the friendship we have with Jesus.
When King Saul wanted to kill David, David had to run for his life. He didn’t go with his friend, Jonathan. He had to go alone to secure his future and destiny. Yet, even while David was on the run, Jonathan found ways to support David. Jonathan knew his purpose in David’s life and found ways to continue to serve his friend even while they were physically apart. This is an example for us to follow.
Our friendships have a purpose and as we navigate these friendships, we must ask God to help us define their purpose. When we know and understand the purpose of our friendships, we must be willing to serve the friendship according to its purpose. We must refrain from having unrealistic expectations of our friendships.
Our friendship with Jesus has a defined purpose - and even when we feel physically, spiritually and mentally far away from Jesus, he still loves.
Don’t be afraid to step away from friendships that are not purpose-driven. Stepping away from a friendship doesn’t mean you hate or dislike the individual in question. It only means you are going to investing more time and energy in your purpose-driven friendships.
God is calling you into purpose-driven friendships. He wants you to be surrounded by people that love, support, guide and serve you. He wants you to do the same for your friends. Make a decision today to define your friendships and be a better friend.